Insomnia, you bitch

I had a really lovely day yesterday. The FrankFlyer was in the Netherlands visiting family and I spent Sunday pottering about. Tidied up the apartment, did some cooking, read a lot and watched a ton of Netflix. It was lovely.

By 10pm, I was ready for bed and toddled off to complete my nightly routine. I settled into bed with a new book, nice and sleepy and ready for another good night’s sleep.

Fast forward to 2am and I was wide awake. After three separate attempts to go to sleep, I was still lying awake, still reading my book and still cursing my unhelpful brain.

The swarming, the buzzing…

Honestly. It felt like there was a swarm of bees buzzing in the back of my skull and nothing would work to calm it down. I got out of bed and got more water. I stood by the balcony to get some fresh air. I did some meditation. I read some more.

I felt like I’d just down four shots of espresso. Really, really gross. And so, when my alarm went off at 6:30am this morning, it was like being mugged. I had to cancel plans to go into my office and just continue to work from home. I had a stack of things to do this morning and a webinar to run this afternoon.

And I survived. I’m now cooking dinner, as TheFrankFlyer is heading back from Heathrow. As soon as I finish typing this, I’m going to lie back down and give in.

Insomnia, you heartless bitch. One day, I’ll learn how to beat you. But until then, you’re my kryptonite.

I’m not going to get anxious about tonight’s sleep. That doesn’t help. But after more than a couple of disrupted nights sleep, I get worried that my epilepsy will make a reappearance. It often does when I’m sleep deprived.

The plan for tonight is: a hot shower, some meditation, a good book and an early night. Let’s see if Miss Insomnia decides to pay another visit.

(Photo by Cassidy Kelley on Unsplash)